100+ reasons. (current count: 31)

my mother in law is staying with us from August 16th - September 4th.  she is here to help with baby.  (once she comes!  i was due yesterday!!)  but, all she has done is drive me crazy.  i plan on updating this list daily/hourly/up to the minute, whatever :P
the first part.. is from my lj.  i'm just going to copy/paste. (#1-11)
please pray i go into labor during the middle of the night so she will be sleeping & i can sneak out to the hospital.  if i make it to my induction (i'm crossing my fingers that i do - so my mom is here).. i plan on going ALONE.  my husband will meet me there once i get checked into a room.  i will then call my sister.  then, no one will be called or see me till addison is born.  even then, the nurses will have strict instructions to only let 1 extra visitor at a time.  only when i feel up to it.  that's it.  too bad for marcs family who all live here & will try to bombard me.

1. i got a "lecture" on why we shouldnt of rented this duplex.  although, we have lived here for nearly 2 years now.  she has pointed out all it's "faults".

2. she made me go to the mall today to "walk" to hurry this baby OUT.  yet, she knows my mom cant get into town till thursday (the day of my induction).  i want my mom there.

3. it's not safe to drive around with less than 1/2 a tank of gas in the car.  SERIOUSLY?  because i ONLY put 1/2 a tank at a time in the car.  because it takes me like a week to use it.  get over it!  unless you want to pay for my gas?
she also put $5 of gas in the rodeo.  i was 1/2 expecting her to make us pay her back for it.

4. she lectured marc on the fact that his car (the rodeo) was "messy" inside.  there were too many empty water bottles in there.  & a couple work shirts in the back.

5. i was sleeping yesterday morning at 10am.  i woke up originally at 8am.  she wasnt here.  i watched the news, fell back asleep.  she woke me up, & decided i shouldnt be sleeping in that late.  "we have things to do you know!" (the mall walking) no. we don't.

6. she yells at our dog. for welcoming her home. "go lay down!" uhm, she just wants to say hi?  then gets mad when the dog stays at her feet when she eats.  then proceeds to feed the dog scraps.

7. she hasnt seen me since the wedding last year. & no pictures of me pregnant. yet keeps telling me i dropped. & rubbing my belly.  i have no dropped. at all. get off my belly.

8. she keeps telling people how she is going to be in the delivery room.  this is how it goes:
her: "yeah! i'm going to be there.  i told stefani i would be in there for her."  note: i did not ASK her to be there. i dont want her there.  i dont want anyone but my husband & sister (for pictures)

9. i woke up this morning (saturday) & she was deciding on how to REARRANGE MY LIVING ROOM.  uhm, that would require us redoing our surround sound which is SCREWED INTO THE CEILING.  no. we are not rearranging.
plus, she wanted to put the longest couch on the shortest wall, move the shorter couch to the longer wall & put the arm chair.. IN FRONT OF THE FIREPLACE.  like, not "floating" in front of it.  but directly blocking it.

10. she questioned me on my mail.  if i shred everything that comes in with my name on it.  because of identity theft.  yes, they are going to come & steal my newest magazine.  steal my name & address!! oooooh.

11. we have gone out to eat for 3 meals since wednesday.  she has only paid for ONE of her meals.  she just orders with us & allows us to glady pay for it.  then, doesnt offer cash.  tonight was the kicker...  we went out to eat at a buffet.  she doesnt even stand near us when paying, yet says "oh, one of those buffets is for a senior citizen".  then, never offers us cash.  we leave, go to get gas for the car.. we are halfway home, "oh! thanks for buying me dinner!"
WHAT THE FUCK? WE NEVER OFFERED?

12. if we fall asleep on the couch, she looks over & asks loudly.. "you takin' a nap over there?!"  GOOD GOD, STFU.

13. my mom calls me, just to check up.  she was going to buy baby clothes.  i was like "oh, just wait till we see how big she is & we can decide on what size to get for the fall"  she is eves dropping & says under her breath "she will need 6-9 mos".  OH RLY?  THANKS FOR LISTENING!  good god.  my mom was like "what did she say?" i was like "nothing, but i think 3-6 should be okay, if she isn't huge by the time she comes out"  hahaaha.

14. i'm currently driving my sister in laws saturn.  she doesnt use it as she just bought a new car.  she doesnt need it back till her 16 year old son starts drivers ed sometime later this year.  well, sometimes it makes.. noises.  like, a vibrating noise when you first start it.  it's from when her daughter hit a pole.  it vibrates for maybe 1 minute & stops.  my mother in laws reaction "OH THAT IS NOT A GOOD NOISE, IT NEEDS TO BE LOOKED AT".  then, some rubber tubing was slightly coming off the door. "OH THIS NEEDS TO BE FIXED, THAT CAN'T BE GOOD".  i was accelerating & my foot slipped off the gas & it was in the process of changing gears (it's automatic) making an odd noise.  "WHAT WAS THAT? THAT"S NOT GOOD."  i just go. "my foot slipped, it's fine."  omfg. the car RUNS.  it goes from point A to point B.  it's SIX YEARS OLD.  GET THE HELL OVER THE NOISES. 

15. my husband sits in the back seat, & lets him mom sit up front (i always drive).  i will say something to my husband & look at him in the rear view mirror while saying it.  he will hear what i say, but she wont be paying attention, then she loudly asks "what?"  i'm like "nothing, i was talking to marc"  GOD DAMN. do you HAVE to listen to my fucking conversation?  i counted her doing this 6 times in one 15 minute car ride today.

16. marc & i were laying on the couch.  play fighting with our legs for room on the couch.  my MIL looks over & says "oh my god! watch out for the baby!"   uhm? she is safe in my belly.  marc wasnt even close to my belly.  i'm pretty sure i've made it -this- far into pregnancy & the baby is JUST FINE.

17. she calls me "ma".  hi, my name is STEFANI.  not "ma".

18. she has now started telling the dog that daddy (my husband) is home from work.  my dog understands what we say & this prompts her to get excited thinking my husband is going to come through the door.  i have to correct her & say, no, he isn't. calm down.  GOOD GOD.  just because the dog stares at her!  but i keep the blinds open for her to look out.  poor dog gets so sad when she sees he is CLEARLY not there.

19. i have seen her get off the couch 2 times today.  one time to get pizza that *i* made for myself.  but i felt bad, & offered her some.   the second time she came in the kitchen asking, "whatcha doin', ma?"  DONT CALL ME MA.  and i was doing DISHES.  which is quite obvious from where she sits. 
she knows we have to hand wash all our dishes b/c the washer is broken.  yet, doesnt offer to help.  & just adds to the mess.

20. we are apparently out of bottled water.  we *had* about 8 bottles in there this morning.  i have only had 1.  marc had 1.  WHERE DID THE OTHER 6 GO?  oh, that's right.. sitting on the couch wears you out.  i guess i better add THAT to the grocery list.  ugh.

21.  she moved on to drinking pepsi.  she doesnt like pepsi.  she took one sip & goes "ew".  told marc he could drink it. i KNOW she doesnt like pepsi, yet still opened one? 

22. i'm cooking porkchops tonight.  they aren't cheap.  she hasnt offered us grocery money, or offered to buy herself groceries.  so WE are supporting HER.  she hasnt even offered to help me in the kitchen.  i forget, which one of us is pregnant?  & i'm pretty sure marc & i dont make enough money to feed her too.  we weren't planning on having to feed another adult mouth during maternity leave.

23. she has had the lights on in the house since 8am.  wasting electricity.  i'm *pretty sure* sunlight is free.  my electricity bill is going to be HUGE.

24. she got upset because i went to my doctors appointment WITHOUT HER.  uhm, i'm a big girl, i don't need someone with me!

25. i was collecting laundry.  i always check marcs pockets for receipts because he never takes them out of his shorts.  she looks over and says, "oh his pockets are empty, i checked them already for money"  she wasnt kidding.  she fucking checked his shorts for cash, then tossed them BACK on the floor.  then, points out all his clothes that are dirty & doesnt help me out to get them.

26. during my labor she told me when each contraction was starting..as if i couldnt feel it?!

27. she also tried allowing herself to stay in the room during procedures when they asked everyone to leave. except marc.  she was like, "well i'd like to stay"  i would have to say.. "MARC CAN BE THE ONLY ONE"

28. since i had an emergency c-section, i was unable to walk the same night.  addison had TONS of diaper changes the first night.  she complained that she had to change her, yet.. allowed herself to stay at the hospital over night.  how was i supposed to change her?  i was stuck in a bed.

29. she complained that i asked her to pick stuff up off the floor & help me at the hospital.  once again, I CANT BEND OVER.

30.  we are back home now.. she does laundry all day.  wasting my water & electricity.  there is nothing to be washed, yet she keeps washing shit.

31. still calling me "ma".  this morning (at 11am): "just gettin up, ma?"  uh, i have a newborn, ive BEEN up.  "so what are you hungry for, ma?"  well, i dont know who the fuck MA is.  but stop calling me that.